I don't want

I don’t want to slow down
I want to hurry up
Cause if I pause
Just long enough
The hurting never stops

I want to keep busy
Move forward at warp speed
Forget regrets
Just want to breathe
Forever on my knees

Too weary is my soul
And tired is my mind
Wishing missing
You all the time
I won’t leave you behind

Please tell me a story
One that will never end
Froggy kisses
Queens and princes
My life is make believe

***

Oh My Glorious Sun

Oh my glorious Sun
I wonder do you weep
In the darkest hour
When we are lain to sleep

Do teardrops gently fall
To bleed these fields of green
Who takes you in their arms
When your heart is lonely

Shine bright like a diamond
A beacon for those lost
Awake to you only
This night of mourning gone

Rainbows of our broken
Light up a cloudy sky
Bittersweet reminder
What we have left behind

***

Heaven's Road

I am lost
I still want
To be free
Give me wings
Let me sing
Fill my heart
With your love
Say the words
I long for
Let me be
Who I miss
Who I need
Careless is
Letting go
Whisper truth
Yet untold
Let me see
Journey home
Dearest child
This life known
Precious gift
Bleed the soul
Take me now
Heaven's road
***

Will You Please

Will you please pardon my soul
This raging fire surging
Inside my mind like wildfire
Burn baby, set free the flames
Let soar these wings, let me fly
Release me and let me die

***

I am not

I am not
What you want
Still I am
What you seek
Craving light
Needing me
Pierce my soul
Make it right
Choosing who
Makes me whole
Dark beauty
Bring the fire
Fill me with
True desire
Forsaken
I will not
Be taken
Love in time
We will find
Until then
Let me stay
Here tonight

***

Velvet Green Damask

A velvet green damask
Between rivers blue
Cotton wishes soar
This moon sighs for you

Quiet teardrops falter
Seeking solace from
this brooding darkness
Waiting for the Sun

The night owl’s lullaby
Piercing the shallow
Mourning whippoorwills
Like moss will gather

Cry glory to the morn
Rest her tired eyes
Seeking shelter from
Silence of this night

***

Brilliant Blues

Like a canvas stripped bare
Brilliant blues washed away
Crimson in slumber waits
With gentle breaths she fades

Let the dark seep slowly
Untouched rose painted white
Lain neath a crown of thorns
Believing she could fly

Exposed for all to see
Fated beauty erased
Tracings of her broken
A picture of her pain

***

If Teardrops Were Raindrops

If teardrops were raindrops
And made a river flow
Perhaps at last my past
Forever lets me go

I would choose a colour
Bright shining as the sun
Blue would be forgotten
And lonely becomes one

Hope would float like feathers
Light up a perfect sky
Love will last for always
And teardrops never cried

Rainbows and pots of gold
Were all we ever knew
If teardrops were raindrops
My heart would not miss you

***

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder where I belong
The sounds of a home that I don’t know
Whispers from my love long to be true
Oh beautiful girl who misses you?

Dewdrops like teardrops falling slowly
Lonely heartache cries for me only
Wishes and kisses from a night star
I think of you wherever you are

Signs and dimes our paths forever cross
Let us hold on to what has been lost
Ever I never wish to forget
Like a dream you will always live on

Rootless child taken from what she knows
Hold her closely before she is gone
Tell her you love her make her your star
Guiding light please wrap me in your arms

***

If there was a place

If there was a place
That I would call home
For days I wandered
Aimlessly I roamed

If there were a light
A bright shining star
One that would guide me
Keep me safe from harm

These boards won’t keep me
These walls soon will fall
Home is where my heart
Stays wrapped in your arms

Wherever you are
Is where I will be
Forever I breathe
When you are with me

I am from nowhere
Weary are my feet
Will you take me home
For I need to sleep

***

In dark places

In dark places sees
Lies you have told me
For things you have wished
Forgiveness of sins

There lay your blessings
Naked in our lost
Empty of meaning
For you are leaving

From your knife I bleed
Let my sorrow weep
Falsely I believed
His chains I am freed

Though in breath she fades
Holding me in prayer
On earth she was scorned
Wings from ashes earned

Stills of what was missed
For granted was this
Covered in his dust
Memories of us

Setting sun on man
Flood from a life past
No one mourns this soul
Damned he is alone

***

Baby, It's Time

Oh will you let me be
Your puppet on a string
I am tired, cannot see
Won’t you please
Make me sing

Baby it’s time to decide
If I am still on your mind
If I am someone you need
Let me know or set me free

This house of cards you built
It’s gonna fall real quick
Still if you let me inside
We can fly
High this night

Baby it’s time to decide
If I am still on your mind
If I am someone you need
Let me know or set me free

Will you kiss me tonight
This magic carpet ride
Together forever rewind
One plus one
We survive

Baby it’s time to decide
If I am still on your mind
If I am someone you need
Let me know or set me free

Baby won’t you love me
Come real close let me feel
Ain’t nothing that you can do
All I want
All I need

Baby it’s time to decide
If I am still on your mind
If I am someone you need
Let me know or set me free

***

A piece of you

I found your socks
Like you were here
A piece of you
Unforgotten
Still I am blue
I wish I could
Remember the
Very best of you
Mama I want
More than these socks
I want you
In my arms
Let’s play a game
Of hide and seek
Help me will you
Find what you need
Just a minute
I am filled with
Longing from this
Life I once knew
Ever present
In my heart lies
A picture true
How do I get
Myself over
What is our truth
Little girl how
Much I love you
***

Golden Moons

Golden moons seeking shelter
Across an azure sky
Nestled winds careening
A moaning lover’s sigh

Wistful i do remember
Favoured days from our youth
Magical moments spent
A young girl holds as truth

Green grasses built in splendour
Dewy kissed, vibrant dreams
Take these moons from the shelf
Set fire to her beliefs

Willful heart you deliver
A breath from her sweet soul
Find forever after
Still you will guide her home

Let darkest times forgotten
Forgive these sins untold
Carry me in your heart
Look not what we have done

Sweet child I can hear you pray
Lost on your bended knee
Whisper his name gently
This god will set you free

***

Neen

You are not my mother
But still I know you care
Pieces of you remind
me of the best of her

In kindness you give me
A big piece of your heart
I know that you mourn
For the things you have lost

My mum loved you dearly
I know you love us too
How I love you deeply
I know your love is true

Whispers of her linger
I miss her every day
And every part of me
Wishes she could have stayed

Thank you Neen for being
A brilliant guiding light
I am forever glad
That you are in my life

***

Marionette

In my dreams you tell me
Your puppet on a string
Show me that you love me
Still you take everything

Your kisses remind me
A time we knew for sure
Longing to remember
Forget we ever were

What you see forbidden
False in this mirror you see
Pretty as a picture
A girl without beliefs

Let us dance on this stage
Your little marionette
Lipstick red you kiss me
A boy I can’t forget

***

Seesaw

What my mama told me
Sometimes I will pretend
Secrets that we won’t say
Aloud to my best friend

She told me how pretty
Her favourite little girl
How amazing you are
You’ll always be my world

Papa was a mystery
Someone we never knew
Mama took care of us
This man who was untrue

Times up and times down like
A seesaw of false hope
When he finally left
This girl she will rejoice

My mum is in heaven
My father lives without
Her soul unforgotten
Dear girl you must stay strong

***

A dance neath the light

When it is time to go
The heavens will appear
Liquid moons of lightning
To guide us safely home

Our greatest joys await
Embrace us once again
No sorrow in his hands
Within the pearly gates

Summer suns they will shine
To help us light the way
Rainbows in the night sky
Take me where I am safe

Don’t take me for granted
Said old man to the moon
One day soon I’ll be gone
Who will miss me but you?

Peasant girl remember
Your place in my new world
Let me see your beauty
Let not my sights unfurl

Pretty is as she does
A dancer neath the light
Famous for who she is
This girl who makes it right

Stay will you friend and grant me
Your brightest shining star
Weight upon this earth from
A world so far apart

***

Starlight Fishes

Don’t tell me how to feel
How to miss or forgive
This is not about you
This ain’t personal

My mum she always said
Do not go looking back
Remember to always
Trust in what, what you have

I know I ain’t special
Every part of me so
Ordinary, still you
Love me, I know you do

Catching starlight fishes
Rainbows dreams and wishes
Hooks and bait, I await
Your heart please let me fill

***

Shattered Glass

You choose to hurt me
Shattered glass and stone
Barren soil seeking
Life where there is none
This beating heart rots
Decades of abuse
Empty of roses
Like garbage is tossed
Who do you cry for
Look for in your dreams
Windows of the fire
Begging to let be
Free fall your demons
Wanting asylum
Pretty pictures of
A happier time
Crushed velvet knuckles
Beat against my skull
Weep softly angel
For soon draws the nigh
Crested snow pure white
Scar a peaceful dawn
Rest weary our heads
Should tomorrow come
And I shall dance dear
Always in your arms
For this broken time
Our hearts beat as one

***

A train passing through

I ain’t worth nothing
My friends tell me so
Cmon let us play
You and I alone

Sometimes the way your
Mother looks at me
Deep in my heart true
I’m not what you need

Big promises made
A girl likes to dream
Maybe after all
We, perhaps can be

You and your fancy
And my everyday
Let’s fight for our rights
Who cares anyway

My ordinary
A train passing through
You never doubted
What I am to you

See me sitting here
Pretty girl alone
Are you wanting her
This voice in a crowd

One day her nothing
Is something indeed
Flying bloody high
Brings you to your knees

Oh child your mama
She knew that you could
Boys disappoint but
Girl you are the world

I want to tell you
Ain’t nothing you see
Be what you want girl
Get up off your knees

***

This River

This river it takes me
Ain’t never am I done
Coursing inside this heart
A beggar I once was

Let wile this freedom wind
Snakes in a desert sand
Wilted lilies beneath
My empty lover’s hand

Pebbles tossed for magic
A skip to buy my faith
Scattered prayers waves of discord
As I walk to my grave

Phantom soul beguiles me
Seductress draped in red
Calling me forever
This place where I am safe

In fable she is heard
Rejoice this voice dissent
A hero of this child
Although she never was

•••

I wish I told you

I wish that I told you
For all that I have done
My failings etched in stone
Imperfect is no one

All you ever told me
Failings I look upon
Misspent youth forgotten
A truth of what’s begun

Simple hope delivered
A penance I do wait
Despite this bible held
I cling to what I ain’t

Push forward my mother
Testify in her name
My mistakes brilliantly
Are mine alone to make

Mama what I miss most
The quiet of your heart
Your arms wrapped around me
When I fear mine won’t start

So I rest my weary
Take patience my sweet girl
In sunset slowly drift
A final lullaby

***

Am I forgiven?

Am I forgiven?
Let me know else I
May seek elsewhere
What feeds my soul

Echoed silence
Time long ago
Am I truly missed
I stand here alone

Chances to be what
Who I need to be
A girl who must
Find what she needs

Sometimes heaven
Empty of reach
My girl you are lost
Can she still be found?

I will never be
Someone that you need
Is it time love
To set me free

***

A Mountain Sigh

I am not wanting forgiveness
I wish I could see you once more
Sometimes what I want to forget
Reminds me, knocking at my door

With every bit of sunshine
This rainbow seeking rising Sun
Whispered madness creeping, wanting
A girl alone, showing undone

Excepting nothing my dear friend
You are nothing except my voice
Beautiful dreamer this life known
Let’s celebrate this voice rejoiced

Precious do you see me at all
Perfect this life wants to survive
My voice is like a waterfall
Beneath the clouds I never lie

Your kiss like a mountain sunrise
Glorious ribbons of majestic
Pull me closer to your heartbeat
This girl, my love is heaven sent

Truth I am yours
Written words, whore
Knock at your door
Obliged am I
Damned alibi
Princess denied
Will you hold me
Until I cry
Perfection like
A mountain sigh
Her demise

***

When I don't see you

When I don’t see you
I feel lonely
Your absence a ghost
An arm resting
On an empty chair

Winter tears mourning
Like crests of snow
This untended hill
Flying solo
Please don’t let go

Solaced heart give me
Some sort of peace
Resting all my broken
False hope wanting
Only to believe

Summer rain drown me
Forget this pain
Rewind yesterday
Untold stories
Missing you again

***

I will sing to you

There are times
That I want to
Say goodbye to this damned place

Move along
Forget tomorrow
Close my eyes and wish away

All the hurt
Lies and mistakes
Forever bury this hate

I want to
Remember you
Every moment that was great

Like a river
I am alone
Travelling far from
This home I know

One day I hope
Again we’ll meet
Where deep waters
Live to be free

I’ll miss you
Where I’m going
I wish you’d come along

Someday soon
Our wildest dreams
I will sing to you a song

***

Disheveled Rebel

Disheveled rebel
Forgotten ghost
I will shout aloud
Regretting myself
Forgone this past
Amassed self-doubt
Wonder whether
Would I ever
Figure it out
Dismembered
Disfigured
This face of calm
Belittles
A riddle
A life unknown
Scorned and still
Adorned a gift
Unto itself
Disfigured widow
A girl alone
A whisper of truth
Modicum of faith
She sees and believes
A life erased
A lonely place
Between life and death
Give her a moment
Let her take a breath
Like ivy climbs
This wall built high
Cherish freedom
Let devils lie
Forever ride
We will journey
Finding Heaven
In her mind
Peace she finds

***

Fire Starter

I am just a girl
No one special
Someone you don’t know
A piece of art
Hung like a canvas
Displayed, Times Square
These figurines from
Times forgotten
Disfigured girl whose
Face I don’t know
The vultures gather
Selling tickets
To a promise land
Venue unknown
For want this future
This girl betrayed
Seeking penance to
A life become
Ever I wander
This path taken
What I left behind
Promises kept
Searching tomorrow
A girl who wants
What she cannot find
This journey sought
A fire starter
Pretending too
Seeking only the truth
Lay me down in
Beds of soft feathers
Begin again
My darling this heart
Forsaken chain
A blistered soul
Solemn prayers take me
To where I fail
Please let me see you
Else I forsake

***

Ashes from the fire

Never were you just
Someone I remember
Were I to be free
These chains of December
Your words will not cloak
The empty inside
Your picture, faded
Beneath a winters sigh
Pieces collected
What we lost to time
In wooden boxes
Ashes from the fire

***

When I Visit You

When I visit you in my mind
Telling tales from our left behind
Visions into a peace unfound
Missing this girl I’ve never known

Memories shared with swollen heart
Finding some joy where there was none
Seeing every nuance of you
Cherished the life that we once knew

Eyes wide shut afraid to open
Should you decide to disappear
Precious gifts your words unspoken
Not quite a dream this heart I lend

In light of day we say goodbye
Holding me close I will not cry
Beautiful child tonight I’ll see
You once more in my sweetest dreams

***

My feet are tired

I am done
Really I am
My feet are tired
All I have
Finished with this
Life untrue
What happens
To the child gone
To the girl new
Who prays for them
Sister I am crying
Will you stay
For awhile
Hold my tears
In your hands please
Like a dream
Incomplete
Mama tell me
It will be alright
Fire in the sky
Moonbeams rise
Like Gods from the sea
Bringing us hope
For us to believe in
These times
Withered heart find
Help me to move on
Little girl
Like a wish
In your hand
I understand

***

Living in a world asleep

They are all milling about
Painting pictures, drunk fools
Their balloons empty of hope
Never playing by the rules

Always pretending they see
Shimmering stars in bleak skies
Smoke stacks blinding their blank stares
Brilliant fire burns cold as ice

Beat the drums on beaten paths
This golden road leads nowhere
Forever slumber mass graves
Naked their bones are stripped bare

To fairy tales minds wander
Dreaming something that could be
Pressed fists to eyes wide open
Living in a world asleep

***

I wanna fight

I wanna fight
I am outta
time. Do you
Mind can you tell me
Why I am
Forever blind
I can’t see you
Your hopes dreams
I don’t see
Hey mister
Wanna know
What makes me
Someone you don’t
Wanna know
Pretty girl with
Your hair done
Mamma taught you
Use what you got
Don’t let them know
How afraid
Betrayal it’s a poison
Something you wish
Could make you forget
You exist
A habit
Dear rabbit
Kiss me like
A winner
Weirdo child
Beguiled I find
Lust and love
Denied make me
Yours tonight
Please don’t leave
Me behind

***

Can I do happy?

Can I do happy?
I really don’t know
Parts of me linger
Like dark in shadows

I know life goes on
In time I’ll forget
Maybe, one day soon
Be happy again

Let go your anger
Make peace with your self
Know you are loved child
Know you are enough

No longer worry
Who holds you in arm
Rest your tired head
From roots you are born

Who am I really
For this girl unknown
I am her daughter
My strength is renowned

My pebbles are cast
Stones do move waters
Please show me the way
I know I matter

***

Roses On Her Grave

A fine rain seeps slowly
Bleeding red on the soul
A canvas unpainted
Her sins were never untold

Sister sleeps in sunshine
Worn edges frayed with time
I wish I could take you
A magic carpet ride

Whiskers of truth shining
Like beacons in the night
Tenderly they take me
Hiding from what I find

Always I am missing
The girl I used to know
Her memories are golden
Trying to keep afloat

Bleating lamb awakens
To slaughter she does grace
For sins she is punished
Mistakes she never made

On bended knee she pleads
For mercy in your name
Crying for you mama
And roses on her grave

***