Monday, August 27, 2018

Threadbare

A family strung loosely, threadbare
Tethered to a man no longer there
Pretense nonsense and deadened stares
Connected to no one
Who really cares
A new normal forced upon me
Lost little girls bereft, empty
Unanswered questions she never asked
She wanted to be loved
To be enough
Separate lives and unspun yarn
Depths of her broken makes her hard
For want of wisdom to soothe her pain
Wishing softly for rain
Clinging to Faith
Weep my gentle lamb
Quietly you sleep
Led to the slaughter
A wolf dressed like sheep

***

Everything I do

Everything
That i do
Has a rhyme
A reason
Please stand up
Please sit down
Please dont fight
Still i beg
This prison
Forces me to,
Feeds my
Derision
My Ma said
Choose wisely
Papa said
Close your mind
Give only
What you can
Leave the rest
To prayer
So i walk
Cautioned steps
Wishing for
Wisdom of
Collared choke
Says nothing
Behind God
Neath his robe
Favored child
Youth is robbed
Fear i not
Path taken
It is one
I know well
Sleep in peace
My angel
Someone comes
Burn in Hell
***

Stuff

All of this lovely stuff
Bags and beads and baubles
Shiny, glittery things
Free me from life’s foibles
Gadgets and more
What is life for
Plunder and hoard
Our final resting place
When our hair turns to grey
Seeking wisdom with age
This our eternal stay
My soul takes flight
Into the night
These wings of mine
What is forever left
Trinkets and toys and such
Does it really matter
In our ever-after
The joy it brings
Mere summer fling
Zero meaning
In a world built on dreams
Pure golden fields of green
My pockets are empty
His love is all I need
***

You let me go

You crept into my heart 
Wildflowers in a wood
Stilled my rushing waters
Rested in arms of love
Unspoken lover's gaze
Our moments built in haste
Heavy the bough will break
To tide what has erased
From darkness light erupts
Upon a window sill
Ceramic figurines
False idols of my dreams
Trinkets singed with fire
Wanting for redemption
Latent quelled desire
Embrace her fallen crown

***

Emancipation

I owe you
So, you say
Everything
About me I
Attribute to
In some way
To you, you
Deluded
Self. Fuck You!
Do you think
This is true
You can’t be
Serious
What makes you
Think you are
Brains behind
My shit. Damn.
My thoughts and
My name is
All my game
Look real close
I AM TISSY
Uniquely
Me, no one
Can dare claim
Cause Tissy well
That’s my fame
What I write
My words read
My past, me
My pain, shame
Everything
That I say,
Living truth
Gospel proof
Cease. Desist
With your shit
Cause this is
My life and
No one else
Will take my,
Place or my -
name, face, choice
Back away
Make your peace
Or mistake
This girl is
Here to stay
***

Saturday, August 18, 2018

Happy used to live here

Happy used to live here
Then he went away
Never returning
Forever churning
Wishing him back again

Jack is nimble and quick
Driving the women wild
A magical trick
With his candlestick 
An absolute delight

In a tiny storefront
Master cobbler of shoes
He had a fetish
For spiked stilettos
Selling his wares to whores

Father Time keeps creeping
Beneath my window sill
Trampling my roses
Stealing begonias 
Cuz I won’t let him in

Santa Claus no longer
Visits me late at night
Caught by the missus
She kicked up a fuss
And took me off his list

Mary has lost her lamb
Inconsolable she
Served her some mutton
Wow, quite the glutton
Her lamb was quite delish

Happy used to live here
With six of his dear friends
The lazy bastards
We’re always plastered
And now my story ends

***

You take

You just take
Never give
all of you
Fucking sieve
Your heart wants
What I can’t give
Promised child
I’m your wild
So hear me
My story
Ain’t nothing
No glory
Please for once
Take this chance
We may fight
Borrowed hope
You big dope
Take a chance
On romance
Don’t take me
For granted
Dear departed
Discarded
Chance for us
Never I
Am the one
Forgotten
Like the Sun
Girl I’m done
Completely
***

Am I Imaginary

Am I imaginary
Really never here at all
Everything that i see
Simply made of make-believe
Perhaps all those tears I cried
Both of sorrow and of joy
Painted pictures not windows
Within my dementiad brain
And did i ever matter
Did someone hold me close
Or whisper sweet-nothings
Tell me "I can't live without"
Am I more than a woman
In a world of misery
Was i ever here at all
Existing only in dreams
***

Pretend

I am not who i pretend to be
This mask that i wear is painted on
These onlookers can no longer see
The girl inside who lies beneath

Her ruby smile unreaching her eyes
A shadow of sorrow is unseen
Invisible wishes never fly
This frozen heart starts waiting to die

Her laughter plays to an empty crowd
Listening to only what they hear
Poor lonely girl, unclaimed she is now
Chiming bells of her hell ringing loud

I am not who i pretend to be
Inside my mask i am never free
Every part of me isn't me
Wilding screams stealing, i cannot breathe

Pray for me

***

I would have been

I would have been
If you let me in
Someone special
This love inside
Sweet and untried
Unprepared was I
In you i found
Diamond in the rough
I've had enough
Chances we missed
Last chance we got
Stonewalled
I've fallen
Out of this love
Falling down
Down around
It lingers
Hinges on
Hindrance to
Moving forward
You without I
And I alone
Growing old
Without you
Leaves this girl
Lonely too

***

My angel without wings

A voice inside darkness
You carried light and hope
In my hour of need
My angel without wings

Souls of imperfection
Making two into one
Feeling every breath
And healing my undone

Our stars fell from heaven
Like fire in the sky
Molten our volcano
You took me on a ride

Bless this road I travelled
It led me straight to you
My pain now forsaken
Your blessed gift of truth

You came to me
In time of need
Fragile my heart
Letting me bleed

***

Mediocre Happy

Mediocre happy
Kept safely in a jar
Unfulfilling, empty
A slowly dying star
Average in
Average out
This life ordinary
Breaking within
Her demons win
Captured rapture
Writhing in sin
A mannequin
Outside looking in
Lost from all prying eyes
This girl who hides inside

***

Is there joy

Why

Is there joy in my pain
Wisdom in my yearning
Wounds inflicted sting deep
Evading
Elusive
Porcelain figurine
Ill-fitting and broken
Lay scattered on the floor
These pieces of my heart
Castrated
Degraded
Prophet speaks of kindness
Doing unto others
Shouting from his pulpit
Isolated
Dissipated
One-hundred pieces lay
Bloodied and bruised and torn
In wake she is standing
Solemn and so alone

***

Sad like raindrops

Something about this rain that inspires a girl :)

Sad like raindrops falling from lonely skies
Weep for humanity, tears from His eyes
Sleep brothers and sisters, taken too soon
Forever sheltered neath the Sun and Moon
Redemption bestowed to those who keep Faith
Wilted are death’s flowers living in shade
Pray dear Catholic girls, fall on bloody knees
Devil sheds his skin, from his shadow freed
Seeking refuge in your words – His glory
Lambs to slaughter lead me with your story

***

Will you hug me

Will you hug me
For just awhile
I am lonely
Feeling tired
Sometimes this life
Expects too much
Time ain’t standing
I need your touch
Will you kiss me
Gently our lips
Connect as one
How I do miss
Your lovely smile
And warm embrace
Let’s rest awhile
You keep me safe
Will you love me
Slowly and sure
Lay close with me
My love is pure
When you’re with me
You claim my heart
This life bereft
When we’re apart
Will you fill me
With your need
Let’s bring heaven
To her knees

***

Wishing you

Wishing that you
Were here to see
This girl standing
Here before me
What do you see
When you see me
Clean lines and smile
Blonde hair and teeth
See this girl who
Wants only for
You to believe
This girl in the
Mirror exists
Sad and forlorn
Needful she sins
Wishful she dreams
Wanting you still
This girl she is
All that you need
Still you wish for
What she can’t give
Desperate child
Left to the wild
Broken your world
Sad lonely girl
Left all alone
World undone
Hero unsung
Never the one
Forever done
***

I don't fit

I don’t fit
In this world
All your golds
Are my browns
My best rights
Become wrongs
Uneven
Ups and downs
I don’t fit
In this place
People stare
Life dictates
Poor choices
Rejoices
In losses
These noises
Your dissent
No restraint
I pay rent
Losing game
Sanity
Bought and sold
Seeking fame
Society
Takes the blame
Resistance
Insistence
Sinners repent
Please refrain
You must pay
To be saved
I don’t fit
My road paved
Fallen tears
I’m depraved
Indifferent
Take your fears
With folded hands
Shared prayers
Cast your stones
On a soul
Where hope remains
I’ll lay down
Rest weary
For fear I’m
Already gone

***

Sins of Father

Sins of father
Left discarded
Forging these chains
Keeping me still
Mother weeps
Disbelief
Bloodied remnants
His reckoning
Claim your whore
Does she know?
What you have done
Unforgiving
Open wounds
Swallow whole
Let me go
Holding my head
Beneath waters
Heart of stone
Left for dead
Daddy’s girl
Sold herself
Father figure
One hundred
She is wanted
Someone’s daughter
Yours for the hour
Troubled child
Pills at night
New family
Victim of his
Selfish ways
Sacrificed
Life denied
Stolen youth
Fucked this world

***

Kentucky Dreams

In my dreams
Bluegrass and
Kentucky
Blue moons sing
Heavenly
Take me home
Winding roads
Where I’ll be
Forever
In my mind
A boy child
Memories
Take from me
What comes next
But please leave
Let me be
Here and now
Home sweet home
Kentucky

***

I Am a Girl - Livi's Song

Dedicated to my amazing and spirited Livi...

I am a girl
Strong willed and kind
I love to laugh
Dress to the nines
Play with the boys
Challenge my mind
I like pink but
I love blue too
Sliding into
Second with grace
Nothing to prove
Nothing to lose
I am brave and
Unafraid to
Try anything
I am lipstick
Mixed with worm guts
Lord my temper
Will rock your world
My kisses are pure
So is my touch
I’ll make you laugh
Be your best friend
and my mud pies
They are the best
Sometimes froufrou
Sometimes blue jeans
Always special
I am a Queen
I am a girl
Absolutely
Positively
Always will be
Uniquely me

***

I Am a Girl - Part II

I am a girl - part two

I am a girl
With broken wings
Heart filled sorrow
And unsung dreams
Fragile wishes
Candy kisses
Whispered nothings
False promises
I am a girl
Who lives to dance
Longs to be held
Deserves romance
Impassioned pleas
Beneath blue skies
Too many times
You made me cry
I am a girl
Ordinary
With crossed fingers
Wished you loved me
I am a girl
Someone’s daughter
Someone special
Lost forever

***

Upside Inside

Upside inside
Down and out
Topsy turvy
Thrash about
Collect money
Don’t pass Go
Oh my darling
Rock this girl
Fill my nights
Make me writhe
Scream my name
Twist and shout
Hold me close
Lock the door
Keep me out
Do you love me
Get on your knees
Beg me mister
Tell me please
Got my number
Prove yourself
Am I the one
To set you free
Whisper true
Sweet nothings
Take and delight
Hold me tight love
In awhile
Say goodnight
I can’t sleep
I’m high on us

***

Retreat

Retreat
Withered soul
Seek light
Deft in sheep’s clothes
Calloused hands
Claim my pride
Forgive me
Passage to freedom
Denied
Lain asunder
Blood tears fall
Cry for my father
Echoes, empty hall
Kept in place
Afraid to run
Afraid to stay
Captured grief
Savage beast
Darkness preys
Thief of my
Smile
Grace
Faith
Whore on her knees
Wishing to be
Free
Breathe
Begging harmony
Wilted sanity
Fallen soldier
Decorate me
Desecrate, unfeeling
Dead I am
Unclaimed

***

What keeps me here

What keeps me here
Still I wonder
Each breath taken
My tears falling
Ordinary
Befriends lonely
Prisoner to
Darkness carried
Suffocating
Pulling me down
Deeper waters
There is no light
Beckoning me
Rather bleak the
Night air heavy
Oppressed Sun
Scarce your beauty
Whispers to me
Dear child of God
Deaf to reason
My mind treason
Screaming I am
Unbelieving
Overwhelming
Lost and broken
Quell this lust for
Death, force my end
Deliver me
My resting place
Lend me your peace

***

Can you miss someone

can you miss someone
and hate them too
His indifference
to tears, unmoved
all your good linked with
all of the bad
your only wish is
to go back to
times of your youth
comfort in new
shades the surface
still it haunts you
you love and you hate
with the same breath
your heart is fated
etched in fire
rolling brimstone
unchristened liar

***

Is it wise

Is it wise
These fallen
Tears from skies
In blue nights
Black as coal
Fledgling soul
Blistered halves
Broken whole
Freedom chains
Fuel my shame
Lonely I
Head hung low
Tell this pain
Wash away
Cleansing rain
Rise again

***

Corner

She stands at a corner
Wearing her smile
Come on in
Her father berated, chastised
All that she had done
Pick up your cup
Show me your sign
Drop a quarter
Give me money
You look kind
I am tired
No place to lay my weary head
Cold streets, beating Sun
I cannot breathe
Stop by a fountain
Pour water into my cup
Daddy’s girl suddenly all grown up
Trading friendly for dollars
Begging for change
No phone
Or change of clothes
Please
Forgive me
Where did I come from
A good home
My mother loved me
My father beat me
But who cares
I saw more
From the streets that raised me
Pipes and lines I saw beyond
Chattel and crime
Wanting more I moved on
Choosing and picking
What I wanted to be
So here I am
Begging you
For a quarter or two
Damn
I am slammed
Wishing
Wanting
More than
Who I am

***

Music Box Ballerina

Every word is a song
A song becomes a verse
Strings of my guitar
My darling I am cursed

Silhouettes painted
Azure blue sky flight
Streaming diamonds trail
Window into my night

Inside she is dancing
To an old fashioned waltz
Feels his arms around her
This ghost that keeps her warm

In death I am burdened
Heavy worn foolish heart
Trapped in my fading world
For want to never part

Tiny ballerina
Her wooden music box
Endlessly she will spin
Forever she is lost

***

Black Coal Pride

Black coal pride
Stealing life
Unable to
Let it ride
Gathered moss
Red brick walls
Lonely stone
Imprisoned
Time erodes
Stripped, barren
Looking back
Foolish hides
Rents taken
Spent regret
No return
Statuette
Unrested
Demons game
In due time
Sentencing
Sweet release
A steep price
Admit one
Shallow grave

***

Rose

When he came to get you
We didn’t understand
Everybody told us
It was part of his plan
The good ones go early
We had to let you go
Angels go to Heaven
Gentle wings took her soul
They never truly leave us
He asks us to believe
Our tears fill the rivers
Our voices sing his praise
We pray to make us stronger
As we stand beside her grave
Dear Lord I need an answer
As we try to be brave
Tell it to my mama
Who cries for her each night
I miss my baby sister
I need to know she’s fine
Our perfect little Rose
So far her heart has roamed
On bended knee I pray
Please send our angel home

***

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Laid to bare

I am laid to bare
Legs spread uncaring
Steal my breath my dear
In between buildings
An alley of bins
Your dreams filled sweetly
Taking your pieces
All my dignity
Splayed upon the streets
Never shall I be
Running on empty
Dear girl set me free
Call my mother please
Should she recognize
Fall to her knees, cries
Send for my father
Why do I bother
Uncaring you see
I am laid to bare
Passerby’s gawking
Looking intently
At this faceless girl
Do you wonder if
Life was far too much
Sending her backwards
Spiralling empty
No one fucking cares
She’s dead in the streets

***